Fear of rejection
A fear of rejection is an irrational and persistent fear of social exclusion. It can be a feature of social phobia or social anxiety disorder. There are various tips a person can use to help overcome a fear of rejection.
Social anxiety disorder involves a persistent fear of being watched and judged by other people. This fear can affect work, school, daily life, and relationships.
Fear of rejection can be a part of social anxiety disorder. However, people can experience a fear of rejection on its own as well.
If a person’s fear of rejection is related to social anxiety disorder, a person may also experience the following symptoms when they must perform in front of or be around other people:
rapid heart rate
blushing, sweating, or trembling
a feeling of their mind “going blank”
nausea
difficulty making eye contact
difficulty speaking to others in social situations
rigid posture
avoiding places and situations where there will be other people (French, 2024).
The fear of rejection is a powerful feeling that often has a far-reaching impact on our lives. Most people experience some nerves when placing themselves in situations that could lead to rejection, but for some people, the fear becomes overwhelming.
This fear can have many underlying causes. An untreated fear of rejection may worsen over time, leading to greater and greater limitations in a person's life (Fritscher, 2023).
The fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears. Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We’re anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated. We fear being alone. We dread change.
On a cognitive level, we may be afraid that rejection confirms our worst fear — perhaps that we’re unlovable, or that we’re destined to be alone, or that we have little worth or value. When these fear-based thoughts keep spinning in our mind, we may become agitated, anxious, or depressed.
A big part of our fear of rejection may be our fear of experiencing hurt and pain. Our aversion to unpleasant experiences prompts behaviors that don’t serve us. We withdraw from people rather than risk reaching out. We hold back from expressing our authentic feelings. We abandon others before they have a chance to reject us (Amodeo, 2014).
According to Paul Hauck (1974), the two most common fears that people have are a fear of failure and a fear of rejection. While cultures tend to promote the message of failure as unwanted, our social instincts tend to drive our need for affiliation and behaviors that protect us from being ostracized from the tribe. However, having an irrational and inflexible need/must/should that others must NOT reject us can be equally as problematic as not learning how to fail. We behave in self-defeating ways by becoming either too nice or acquiescent in one extreme, or too defensive, aggressive, or nasty to others in the other extreme, where both extremes drive people away.
A habitual fear of rejection is associated with social anxiety, anger, depression, shame, embarrassment (Taboas, n.d.).
Amodeo, J. (2014, March 17). Deconstructing the fear of rejection: What are we really afraid of? Psych Central. Retrieved from: https://shorturl.at/VmxC1.
French, M. (2024, February 16). Fear of rejection: What it is and how to overcome it. Fear of rejection: How to overcome it. MedicalNewsToday. Retrieved from: https://shorturl.at/gvmrt.
Fritscher, L. (2023, November 15). How to overcome a fear of rejection. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://shorturl.at/x8h4p.
Taboas, W. R. (n.d.). Fear of rejection. The Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from: https://shorturl.at/abcwe.